Various - Kalevala Records

A personal holy grail that I had bits and bobs of, floating around on poor quality mp3s. Just ripped them all there and thought you lot might as well get a sniff of 'em...

An extravagant payday-timed eBay purchase from last week which I'd given up all hope of ever seeing. What is it? For the uninitiated, check this out. There's a great fake website here as well.

Rather than my own pish chat, here's text I've pinched from this Probe Records page to accompany each 7".

001 - Draculas Daughter - Candy

Like a bit of 60's New York landed in Helsinki in 1997. The four young ladies who make up this group consider themselves artists rather than musicians, much like the early Velvet Underground. The song itself is a piece of prime quasi-Velvets dedicated to the famed Factory transsexual Candy Darling and features guest vocals from the Nico of the north-lands Kristina Bruuk. As the debut release on a fledgling label Kalevala couldn't have done better. Jesus And Mary Chain, eat your hearts out.

This is actually the third release for the girls, previously they've made two (very limited) singles on their own private label. Don't bother trying to find them because, unless you live in Helsinki, you've got more chance of finding a Beatles acetate.



Draculas Daughter - Candy
A - Candy
B - Candy (Version)

002 - The Fuckers - Sexy Roy Orbison

The world's only Lapp punk band don't care one whit for the pop-punk emo-core posturings of their Californian contemporaries (Green Day / Offspring / NoFX etc), in fact this record gives the impression they'd happily kill them and eat them (it'd make a change from reindeer meat at least). They don't care about anything. A ferocious amphetamine blast of pure realpunk hatred from a group that's existed in almost total isolation for over ten years, and whilst their old-skool cousins (Extreme Noise Terror / Napalm Death etc) may have sold out to the metal dollar The Fuckers have remained true to their hardcore roots. For that reason they are, without doubt, the hardest, fiercest and most aggressive punk band on planet Earth. Hear this and despair, pop-kid.

With luck (or perhaps that's bad luck) the Fuckers hope to land on these shores next year to play at a series of Cider Festivals (the psycho scrumpy being the only thing in the world they will admit a liking for).

Anyone old enough to remember the Norse invasions of the dark ages will want to emigrate now.



The Fuckers - Sexy Roy Orbison
A - Sexy Roy Orbison
B - Sexy Roy Orbison (Version)

003 - Gimpo - Gimpo

An absolute must for fans of the KLF / JAMMs this being their legendary roadie, driver and, more notoriously, film-maker (it was Gimpo that filmed the famed Million Quid incineration). Now he's turned his talents to music and, in collaboration with Finnish techno-psychos High End World Receiver, has produced a debut single of gargantuan proportions. A crushing slab of Industrial riffage and Godzilla size Atom Bomb beats make this a true dance-floor krasha, but the tirade of four-letter words on top and the rousing chorus of "You Fucking Twat" make this one Kalevala release you will not be hearing on the wireless.

Anyone thinking the Prodigy own the copyright on Extreme Dance-Metal Carnage better think again...Gimpo is here to eat you alive. And thank Gruad for that!



Gimpo - Gimpo
A - Gimpo
B - Gimpo (Version)

004 - The Daytonas - Faster, Gimpo, Faster, Kill! Kill! Kill!

Super speedy surf-core from this band of seven brothers who've been constantly gigging since the original surf-beat craze hit Finland in the early 60's. The Daytonas have remained true to the original fun, fast, frantic sound sound of this music - so anyone expecting the clever, know-it-all, tongue in cheek irony of Man Or Astroman and their hodad ilk will be sorely disappointed. If, however, you're still diggin' the sound of old California back when the days were short and the nights were long you're in for a treat, Surfin Bird!

The title? Yep it's that Gimpo again. He's certainly made a name for himself over in Finland.

Oh yeah, don't confuse these with the Swedish surf outfit of the same name.



The Daytonas - Faster, Gimpo, Faster, Kill! Kill! Kill!
A - Faster, Gimpo, Faster, Kill! Kill! Kill!
B - Faster, Gimpo, Faster, Kill! Kill! Kill! (Version)

005 - The Blizzard King - American Trilogy EP

Incredible 3-track Extended Play 7" from the Jesus of Cool himself. Opening with a stunning version of "Break On Through", featuring a storming Hammond work-out of hyper-Manzarekian proportions, followed by a startling rendition of "Strangers in the night" (This being the recording from a parallel universe in which Old Blue Eyes didn't refuse to be in the same building as the Doors, but invited them into his studio for a full-on Drink, Drugs and Jam session.) As if this isn't enough already, this classic 7" is rounded off by one of the Fat Elvis's all time greats "In the Ghetto".



The Blizzard King - American Trilogy EP
A - Break On Through
B1 - Strangers In The Night
B2 - In The Ghetto

006 - Aurora Borealis - Aurora Borealis

Two superb ambient sound-paintings, from this reclusive collective of shamanic Artists, Poets and Musicians. Deep within the Arctic Circle, far from the cities and industrial decay of the modern world, they have produced these sonic sculptures, influenced solely by the protean wastes of their Lapp homeland. This is sombre, soulful and dreamy stuff - right from the heart of the Lapp zeitgeist. But don't think that it's in any way colourless, joyless or impenetrable, far from it - Those of you who have cooled your souls at the eternal 3 a.m. of melancholy, will find much in this music which speaks directly to your secret mind.

It would be unfair to burden these isolated art-makers with crass comparisons with the work of others. However, for those of you who won't buy anything unless you think you know what you're getting, this record would sit happily next to the finest work of The Orb, or (of course) the KLF's "Chill Out".



Aurora Borealis - Aurora Borealis
A - Aurora Borealis (Part 1)
B - Aurora Borealis (Part 3)

Download Link *updated for 2016* WAV and mp3

Buy it here? Nae chance...

Zodiacyouth - Fast Forward The Future

... aka Zodiac Mindwarp and Youth, aka Mark Manning and Martin Glover, from 1991.

Comin-atcha like a big KLF kopycat, this is pure 'stadium house' in its element. I suppose if anyone can get away with ripping off the KLF it's this pair, right enough.

If you ever want to read a totally insane depraved book, go check out Bad Wisdom by Bill Drummond and Mark Manning - check out this Amazon review, the guy's got it pretty much spot-on. It's the accounts of when BD & MM (and the ever-present Gimpo) set out to take a picture of Elvis to the North Pole, "to release the divine Presley-esque vibes" onto a troubled world. Nuff said - get the book on your Xmas list, Amazon will deliver before the big day.

I've had a complete mental block on what the vocal sample on this was used on more recently - it's something really fucking obvious and I can't put my finger on it. Help me out, please...



Zodiacyouth - Fast Forward The Future
A - Fast Forward The Future (Witch-Hunt Mix)
B1 - Fast Forward The Future (Zodiac Rising Mix)
B2 - Fast Forward The Future (Chill Out Mix)

Buy it here

2K - Fuck The Millenium (plus Tommy's Bonus Brass)

I realise I've not posted any KLF yet, and they're one of my favourite acts ever, but the internet is full of pretty much everything they've done, except this - the holy grail of KLF which I'd quite happily wank off a few tramps for.

Recently, occasional R-i-G contributor Tommy from Australia fired me a few mp3s, two of which were from the Williams Fairey Brass Band's Acid Brass album. I remembered about this 12", yet another version of What Time Is Love, inspired by said album.

The A-side is over 13 mins of WTIL with a bit of brass, Zodiac Mindwarp on additional vocals, and a breakdown into the hymn "Eternal Father, Strong to Save". The usual madness, in other words...

A couple of mixes from the Acid Brass album on the flip, and I've added on a couple of dance classics courtesy of our antipodean ex-pat.

Wonder if their Millenium Crisis Line's still open - go check it out on 0890 900 2000 (calls cost 50p/min)...



2K - Fuck The Millenium
A - Fuck The Millenium
B1 - Acid Brass/What Time Is Love (Version K)
B2 - Acid Brass/What Time Is Love (Version P-Royal Oak Mix)
Tommy's Bonus Brass:
Strings Of Life
Pacific 202

Buy it here

Orb - A Huge Ever Growing Remix

What to say about this lot? They hosted many a psychedelic night at Glasgow Barrowlands back in the early 90s, serious madness - I've never quite been the same since. I saw in my 21st birthday at one of them (still got a painful memory of attempting to force down my dinner the next night out with the parents).

This was the tune that got me into them, and for the next couple of albums (and remixes along the way) they were a hard act to beat.

Made the mistake a few years later of going to see Dr Alex Paterson DJ at the Arches, his mixing was shite and a light fell on his head while he was doing it. Ah well, that's showbiz...



Orb - A Huge Ever Growing Remix
A - Orbital Dance Mix
B1 - Orbital 9am Radio Mix
B2 - Aubrey Mix Mk1

(not THAT Orbital btw...)

Buy it here

Echo Beach - Jimmy Cauty (KLF) infected by THE SCOURGE OF THE EARTH

Subtitle = 'Pointless Rave Version'

This slipped out in 2002, and I stumbled across it in Missing at the top of Great Western Road (halcyon days). Couldn't believe it, as I thought I was pretty on top of all things KLF-related. Hmmm - the subtitle kinda sums it up, although there's a Mark E Smith-style shouty vocal which pops up now and again which is OK by me.



Echo Beach - Jimmy Cauty (KLF) infected by THE SCOURGE OF THE EARTH

Buy it here